Wednesday, January 4, 2012

A Tequilla Interlude

Picture a group of marketers sitting around a table.

"I think we've gone as far as we can with pretty glass bottles for justifying expensive tequilla."

"Yea, those vodka guys have it so easy.  Every 3 months they come out with a new flavor to maintain their buzz.  Imagine, marshmallow vodka!"

"So what we need is a new product line extension."

"Tequiza didn't work out so well."

"And all those alcopops don't actually use tequilla, they use flavored malt beverage.  I miss Zima"

"Stay on topic.  Okay, consider this, the money is in drinks people can use to make cocktails at trendy clubs, and for us that means young blanco tequilla.  But the better profits are in the more prestigious aged lines."

"So what we need is a blanco we can charge anjeo money for."

"Yes.  In a nice bottle."

"What if we took anejo and filtered out all the aged taste qualities..."

"Wait, wait!  We can use crappy tequilla that technically qualifies as aged but sucks, 'cause we're gonna filter out all the character anyway!"

"That is so fucking money."

Ladies and gentlemen, I haven't tasted this.  I am speaking out of ignorance.  But can't you just picture it?

Don Julio Anejo Claro.  So embarrassing it isn't even listed on the Don Julio Website.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

How to Open Champagne with a Saber

Don't try this with your Kramer knife, or with Champagne you don't mind losing several ounces of, but opening a sparkling wine with a saber is a spectacular way to celebrate an occasion.  Follow these easy steps:

1. Get a big heavy knife.
2. Go outside with friends and clear an area for the cork and wine to fly.
3. Carefully remove the foil and cage, always pointing the cork away from you.
4. Hold the bottle like this:

5. Run the knife down the neck of the bottle and give the lip of the bottle a hard smack with the BACK edge of the knife.

If you do it strongly enough, the whole top of the bottle will pop off clean, and fly about 5 or 6 feet and you can bask in the amazement and appreciation of all.

Note: Gosset has a neck that just BEGS to be sabered, but it's just too nice to loose that little bit.  And don't use a $1000 knife like the Korin pictured above.  I know, you are only using the back, but still...